Hard to turn back

There is so many things in life that would not allow you a 2nd chance if you have done wrong. I don't know whether this is the right way or not cos I always try to give people chances. But whatever I do, I have learnt that I need to be responsible for it. No matter in speech or actions.

I have been thinking about my marriage with Chris. 8 years passed just like that but we have gone through a lot of tough times together. He has stayed by me no matter in bad or good times. No matter how lousy I have been. Sometimes, I think whether leaving him is a bad choice or not. Sometimes the answer is yes but there are times when the answer is no. I really don't know what to do now. I have asked whether he can accept me back but his answer is no. He does not want that committment and that life with me anymore now that he has gotten used to life without me. Also, he can't bring himself to forget and trust all over again. I understand where he is coming from, afterall, this has not happened once but twice. How to trust someone that has wanted to leave you twice?

Would I be able to meet someone that will treat me like he does? Would I be able to find someone that I love at all is a big question. I don't know what life has in store for me. I do not wish to stay single for life but I am very scared about getting hurt again. Going through one failed marriage is enough...

Have been feeling lonely

I have been feeling quite lonely recently. I hope to be able to find my perfect guy. Someone that I can be the small woman behind and supporting him all the way. Someone that has good planning for the future. Someone with dreams and hopes. Chinese says.. "you shang jin xin". I just want to have someone that I love and that person also loves me. Doesn't matter who loves who more. Why be so particular about this if both parties love each other? I want to be able to give the other party whatever is impt to me. Overall, I wish so much to be felt loved again. I have loved some people before in my life but still it is not enough. Both ways traffic is the way to go. I don't know what to say. Just feeling sad and lonely for myself.