Unfair life

How come life is so unfair. I was suppose to start work the Monday that has just passed but was sick. On Wed, when I went hopefully to sign the contract but was still not feeling well, I chose to go home and start work next Monday instead. The contract was not ready as the GM still has not signed it. Today, a received a call from the company saying the they did not get one of the site contract, so one of the site admin has to come to HQ to work. Thus, my position will be taken over by her and so I would not be needed. However they would need a temp for 1 to 2 months as the site admin's duties would only be done in Jan or Feb. I tried to talk to her and she did say that she preferred me to the site admin as I have HR experience however the management did not listen to her. After several minutes of talking, she told me that she will discuss with them again on Monday and then get back to me. I do not want to take the temp job as I hate to be jobless again after 2 months and to look for another job again. I want a perm job that I can stay long term in and long for that a lot. I love this job and that's why I was so keen to join them. I am at a loss now. I am so so upset with tears falling down my cheeks. Alf is working and so not here for me. I called him, Carol and my mum. Carol and Alf both advised me to work the temp. I think on Monday if they call to say that they cannot offer me perm I will take the temp first. Y is heaven so unfair to me. Or is it that I should have started working on Wed and things would not turn out this way? What would happen if that is the case. I regret not starting on Wed. Is God punishing me cos I delay starting work? God please help me get this perm job. God, You are the only One I can ask for help now.. Please.....

True realisation only happen though thinking

Human always like avoiding realising the real problem behind things. This is my thought now. I remember Carol once asked me.. Is my anxiety disorder cos I am overly dependent on Alf? I told her no one the spot. These few days this question came across my mind again. After some thinking I have to admit that yes that's true to some extend.

Come to think of it, when I am working and being a confident Helen, I am always being independent to a state that sometimes Alf will be upset with me. I also realise that that is why I told my friend that if I was to go back to Alf that time, I may develop my anxiety disorder again.

Is there a way to avoid being overly dependent on Alf? He is my partner and whatever happens in my life will affect him also. So how then can I be not dependent on him. I have become too complacesome cos he is always around to support and hold on to me.

Sigh.. Helen please learn to be not too dependent and complacesome...