Being fine

My work is quite fine now. Going to work everyday without any problems. Sometimes in the morning still feeling a bit fearful but can do go and once reach office everything would be quite fine. Like to keep myself busy.

As for things with Alf, He has not fully taken me back yet. I think this time at least need 1 year to prove myself le. Every Tue, Thur and Fri I will go back Bedok Reservoir (mum's place) to stay lor. So if friends want to ask me out, these are the best days cos Alf studying Tue and Thur night classes.

That day when I went to see psychologist Esther, she told me that the actual fact is that I am suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder. I will always be very dependent on people. I am trying my very best now to live life a bit more independent. If not I know friends, families will get irritated by me someday and leave me. Friends that want to know more can do a search online and will be able to find many many references on this disorder. It is basically a personality issue rather then a illness.

Trouble at work

Today my HR Asst Director had a mini talk with me. She spoke about my MC cos last week I took 4 days MC in total. She says that the whole CGH average MC rate is 4 days MC for the whole year. Alos, for her HR dept, it is only 2 days MC for the entire year. This is very impt to her. After the talk I felt a bit scared. I smsed Alf to let him know and also told dad about it. Dad says just try my best and continue going to work, should one day my MC really has to come and I have to leave CGH, then look for another job elsewhere..

I have one friend, she is having a difficult time cos her hubby is having an affair outside. I feel very sad for her cos she has just given birth to her 2nd child not so long ago. Anyone has evening part time job please let me know, hope to recommend her..

Life is so uncertain. Hope just I can be strong and live more independently onwards. May "san bao" buddha help me..

First day of work

Today's my first day of work at CGH. Morning still having a bit of anxiety disorder and feeling a bit scared. But I wrote down a list of reasons I would need to go work and eventually I did take the bus and go. I stayed for the whole day.. hurray. Though I am happy about it, I told myself that this is the most natural thing everyone is doing and nothing to feel proud of.

After work, other things are not going so fine. But then, I caused all of it so can't blame anyone :)

Glad

Today I went Bugis Kuan Yin temple to pray and also to ask about my work. The lot No. 4 is quite a good one. As below:

Imagine a mirror one thousand years old were to brighten again
Interpretation: Medium
Time to change to new ways so that the family status will progress. Future generation might benefit 5x5 = 25. One can suceed the one could not stop working. Hope is high.

After reading the book also, I begin to feel that this CGH job would go smoothly. But I also need to work hard on my part. Do not take advantage of my good luck. :)

Think before talking

CGH called yesterday to say that HOD is not around on Monday. So they want me to start work on Thurs instead. Monday I will call them to see result of pre-employment check. Hopefully it is being received already.

Thinking always affect the way people do things and whether they get to achieve their goals or not. So, conclusion... Think that everything I do is for my own better future.

I would need to achieve it and I can do it de.. Tweet stop giving yourself stupid excuses and just do it. No point thinking and not acting. No point thinking and then give yourself excuses that you cannot do it. No point thinking that you have tried and others don't see it. Just do it. The results will come...

Don't let your own "feelings" overcome your thinking or what you want to do.

If this is so impt to you, you sure can do it de. THINK BEFORE TALKING!! :)