Happy Birthday My God-Brother Andy

Yesterday night met up with our usual group of pals again. It's my most precious God-Brother, Andy's, birthday today. Alfred and me met him at Centrepoint Mac for dinner about 8.30pm then talk for a while before entering the 97 pub about 10pm. Wow.. he is really prepared to spent a bomb. We promised to buy him one bottle as pressie but he himself ordered another 2 bottles.. I wonder whether we can finish it.

We reached the place with new made friends Ah Girl and Ah Keong. Ah-Girl is really so crazy fun loving like the old young me. Looking at her reminds me of the times with the old gang of friends. Stepney, Geogos, Stephen they all. I used to be the only girl kaki in the gang but they always treat me like a boy. Haha... was really fun those days. Now is more like the "mother" of the group liao. Taking care of them and making sure they don't get hurt when high or drunk. Hehehe..

Attendance time!! Alf, Me, Andy, Hazel & bf, Richard & Kedy, Resendoes & gf, Kelvin, Grace and lastly Jiani. Long time never meet is Ah Kai and friends. Then new made friends Ah Keong and Ah Girl lor. This year bro never get drunk with much thanks to Ah Keong I think. Poor keong covered a lot of drinks for Andy. Then Andy's real eldest bro even more poor thing. Sit there waiting for us to enjoy finish all alone. He driving so cannot drink a lot somemore. Luckily Rich they all manage to reach before 12am. Res bought a one slice cake for Andy. Hehe, he sure knows us well knowing that we wouldn be able to finish one whole cake one. We all don't fancy eating cake u c. Rich bought another bottle for Andy. Kelvin bought one barrel of beer. Broke our piggy banks liao lah.

Overall at the end of the day all of quite ok except for Grace. Rich, Bro, Ah-Keong and Jiani very high. Hazel and me got high also but we manage to control ourselves. So when we left, both sober. Hazel & bf with Res & gf left the earilest about 2am. Then reach 3am plus I very tired liao. Surprise hor, I always the one to want to stay on but this time I told Alf I want to go home liao. Guess I am old and not as crazy as before liao. Alf is happy I guess, cos I didn't smoke, didn't fool around with the pals and also wanted to leave early. Yay, I happily say that I quit liao lor. 3rd day never smoke today liao.

Some "chou-wen". Andy hugged and kissed Grace and another "xiao cha boh" last night. He never get drunk so he still remember what happen last night when he called Alf today lor. A lot of us find Andy and Grace compatible but guess both of them does not want to get committed. Some stupid reason about wanting to play from Andy.

Hmm.. overall I guess it was a fun night. I enjoyed dancing a lot. Yes I love dancing. Kedy tels me that I dance very nicely and hehe.. of course I happy lah. I always believe that you must have confidence when u dance then will be nice one. And yes, dancing meant more for girls cos when they do it right, so appealing and nice.

Yes I did get a bit "jealous" about Alf and Ah-Girl but I am glad that Alf brought Ah-Girl to tell her what is our relation. From now on I guess Alf and I will learn to respect each other more. Hope this will continue and we will continue to learn how to grow and love each other more and more along the way. The road is tough but I believe that if both parties have the will and love to walk finish this life together, we will be able to do it!! I love you mear mear....

What is a relationship without trust??

I am going crazy, I really am. Separation, separation. If a marriage has no faith and separation is the first thing that comes to mind when things happen then what is the whole marriage for? I cannot start things all over again. It is impossible. He is so impt to me that I can even sacrify my own life for him but does it matter to him? Does he believe? Does he understand?

I am trying so hard to do things for him. I have quit smoking for him though it suffers a lot. Does he know? Does he care? Does it even matter to him at all.

Things are not the same anymore. It will no longer be. I am tired, I am breaking down. I don't know what to do now. Maybe, maybe he is not the one for me. Maybe I should give him up? Maybe all these should end..

God guide me...My thoughts are running wild. He only wants people to blame me. He only thinks about his own feelings and not mine. I feel like running out, running away. I know it's childish and I am only letting those that care about me worry, so I am not doing it. But what else can I do?

I sit here with tears flowing down my cheeks and heart. I am heartbroken, does he know how much he actually matter to me? What should I do? Where can I go? I am alone, all alone..