Mind made up

I have made up my mind to go for separation for the time being. Don't worry (to those who care), I am not making a hasty decision. I want a separation to think things over carefully. To see whether this relationship is worth saving at all. If the decision is to give it another chance, I think I would need to start things all over again with Alf. The courting and everything right from the start. We need to start things a new if we want to get back together. Too many things happen in the past that may have left hurt inside us.

Sigh.. see how bah. After I concluded my decision, I feel so much relieve. Those that know me well will know after I made my decision, it's hard to change it. I need time and yes I need friends. Sometimes, I will feel lonely too. Thanks everyone. Those that care. I promise your care is being appreciated!

I deserve it

Hahaha, I lost my friends. Esp my best female pals. I deserve it lor... They blame me for ditching a 6 years marriage and a good husband for another guy that I have known for only 3 months. Come on.. It is not the truth. All I have for that guy is just admiration for his skills and character. But now, ok lor. Since you all said it and think in that way I will not say anything.

What have I gone through for the past few years does anyone really know? My husband lying to me causing me to dislike someone for a long period of time, my husband taking me forgranted and not showing any actions of concern for me. I have not felt love for a year. I cannot forgot the past. I cannot bring myself to have faith in this marriage anymore. Again and again we quarrel. Am I going to stay like this for the rest of my life? People say "chang tong bu ru duan tong". So should I cut it away now, if so y is everyone leaving me? Maybe I should have given up this marriage a few months ago when I felt like giving up. A few months ago when I said we are giving this marriage a last chance. If only I had call it quits then, would things be different now?

I am hurt, hurt by friends and hubby. Does anyone still care?

Depressed

I am really down. Very down. Where are my friends when I need them? I told Alf, all my friends meeting me often and has time for me are often his friends. Now I really need people to go out with me and I find no one. I am all alone. No one to really have a shoulder I can cry on. I feel really very very sad.

Separation

Sad blogging day. Confused and very very depressed. I am going on separation from Alf for a few days. We need to think things over. I especially. Should I change to become the very old dependent Helen. Maybe I will suffer anxiety disorder and become really dependent on Alf again. I think I may lose the confidence if I revert back to the old Helen. I really don know. I will have to stay home almost everyday. Stay with Alf and dependent on him for everything. Is that really what a marriage means? Is my independance a bad idea. I feel so low and down now. So down. Can anyone tell me or teach me what to do. Should I be strong and just admit to a failed marriage? What will life be in store for me if I do it?

I need to change

Hi everyone,

Yes, a lighter note. Have a good talk with hubby last Sun, realise I need to change. Maybe I have bee growing too independent and to far away from him. What he wants and needs is the old dependent Helen. Will do..

Had stupid food poisioning since Tuesday night. Wednesday morning at 4am had to go Changi Hospital. Thank the nice dr for the jab I feel so much better after that. At least not every one minute run toilet once. 15 times to toilet before going to c dr. Can faint lay. Stupid fish porridge at Blk 85. I confirm it's that lor cos I never eat anything else. No more of that stall.

Sigh, work at work is nice but sigh contract may be terminated in June cos project ends.. Hope they can offer me another job that I will like. Scared to be recruitment consultant cos of targets.. Well.. c what they have to offer. :)

Ending now. Meeting my colleagues at 85 later for chit chat. Hope things would be well.